How to prepare for the slopes. Or perhaps not.

1. Fail to think about kids' ski stuff until just after February half term. Discover that all shops, websites and other purveyors have sold out. Even trusty John Lewis is now full of swimsuits, shorts and t-shirts, with not a winter sock or thermal vest to be found, despite it still being mid February. Luckily borrow ski gear from kind sister in law, and buy Littleboy 2 cute, but ridiculously expensive, snowsuit online.

2. In similar vein, fail to find Littleboy 2 any suitable snowboots. All shoe shops now into sandals and crocs. Track down swanky-looking ski shop in Chelsea that does still have some in stock, but once they have been fetched from depths of shop by assistant, realise that the cheapest pair is £40. As Littleboy 2's shoe size changes every three months, baulk at this price, and sneak out with the excuse that the recipient is asleep in his pram and you'll 'come back'. Decide that he will have to make do with £2 wellies from charity shop and thick socks.

3. Remember that you don't have any suitable footwear for snow yourself (old suede boots, worn in last month's snow, were pathetically unsuitable). In panic mode, buy last pair of bargain boots from local shoe shop. Get them home and realise they are plasticky and incredibly SHINY. Even The Doctor comments on how SHINY they are. However, they turn out to be very comfortable, so try to forget about sartorial disaster.

4. Belatedly try on own ski wear, stuffed away in a cardboard box. Discover that slinky black salopettes, purchased in 2002, still just about do up, but realise it would be like skiing in a corset. Resign yourself to wearing ugly but practical pair bought post-maternity in 2005.

5. Discover brand new Salomon gloves which your husband tells you are yours, although you have no memory whatsoever of having bought them on your last ski holiday in 2005. This is mildly worrying.

6. Find very old pair of ski sunglasses but dimly remember some far nicer ones. These are nowhere to be found. In desperation, look on computer at photos of yourself on last two ski-ing trips. Aha! They they are in 2003, for sure. But, in 2005, you are only pictured wearing goggles. Whether this was due to generally freezing and snowy weather, or whether you had lost decent glasses in the interim, you cannot remember. Clearly, memory is going.

7. In attempt to prepare Littleboy 1 for skiing lessons, force him to sit down and watch Ski Sunday. Sigh as he leaves room after five minutes to play with his sticker book.

8. Book Eurotunnel for three hours after Littleboy 1's swimming lesson, which you don't really want him to miss as have already forfeited several due to chicken pox. Resign yourself to mad dash to the Channel afterwards, with wet swimming trunks on back seat.

9. Agree to husband's plan to drive through the night, as this is when the children will be asleep. Then realise you are going out to dinner the night before. Not wanting to be tired/hungover for the big journey, both jump in with generous and unprecedented offers to drive home from dinner party.

10. Look at snow report and see that it's snowing this week in the Alps. Start looking forward to fresh snow, vin chaud and mountains. And getting away from the military campaign of balancing work, kids and moving home that your life seems to have become....