Monday, 4 October 2010

You know you're the mother of boys when....

I was reading Potty Mummy's latest post and it reminded again me how much pleasure I get out of reading blogs by mothers who also have little boys. Not that I don't enjoy the others - I do, of course, (and I know that girls can be just as lively, frustrating and downright naughty). And, much as I love my boys deeply, there are some things that just particularly strike a chord with me; some things that mothers of sons can particularly appreciate.

Anyway, that's what inspired these random jottings on a Monday morning, and whether you have one boy or three, perhaps you'll recognise your own home life in some of them.

You know you're the mother of boys when...

1. You are constantly having your breasts grabbed and fondled - not just at home or lying in bed, but often in public at highly inappropriate moments, such as talking to teachers, the postman or a librarian.

2. The idea of any craft activity taking place in the home (painting in particular) fills you with horror, not maternal delight...

3. On any given day, you are quite likely to find
a) dinosaurs on your dining table at supper time
b) toy cars in your children's beds
c)dirty planks of wood in the back of your car

4. You don't have to worry (much) about tantrums over what clothes to wear in the morning. They don't care. More of a problem is getting them to sit still for two seconds in order to get dressed...

5. The idea of someone pooing in their pants is hilarious, not disgusting, to your children.

6. Every walk has to involve the collection, and ideally transportation home, of many kinds of stick....

7. The idea of staying inside the house all day because of the weather is just completely out of the question.

8. You realised long ago that kiddie activities that involved sitting still, such as Storytime at the Library, are not for you....

9. You only visit the supermarket with your children when you have absolutely no other option.

10. You get through a packet of plasters a week, and are regularly found mopping up blood or debating with your husband whether stitches are necessary. And you have more than once had to resort to antibiotics when cuts have become infected by dirty little fingers....

11. You cannot understand it when people say their children don't need a bath every day. Your own children's dirty bathwater is black every time....

12. You regularly watch your children wrestle each other like baby lion cubs, and have become immune to the accompanying screeching and yelling. Only when there is actual injury will you intervene....

13. At some point, you know you will have to become an expert, not just on subjects such as outerspace, makes of truck, dinosaurs and robots, of which you have scant knowledge, but probably also on stuff like Power Rangers, which you have no desire ever to know about.

14. Your son cannot remember the name of a single girl at school, or even appear to recognise them when they come up and say hello to him in the playground. (Note; they are not that much better with boys...).

15. Little girls come round to play at the house and complain that your children are too noisy. You agree with them.....

16. If they are hurt or upset, your little boys will always run to you for a cuddle. Because little boys worship their mothers - and note that that makes it all worthwhile........

Any other reasons to add?

24 comments:

Fourdownmumtogo said...

Oh yes, yes, yes.

Though they do start to get pickier about clothes (4) as they get older, but at least by then they can choose them and put them on by themselves.

And as for sticks. I could build a new house from the twigs stashed around the house, in the car, in their beds, under the decking, in the bottom of the pushchair......

And craft activities are banned in our house after the long ago incident with the glitter. We were still picking up sparkly flecks of the stuff years later.

This Mid 30s Life said...

I am astounding people with my new-found dinosaur knowledge.

And if we walk past any kind of construction work involving a machine we don't recognise, I have to ask what it is or I will pay for it throughout the day.

Expat mum said...

Talks about Star Wars in-cess-antly.
Also "accidentally" touches my "privates" (ie. boobs) whenever possible. One of these days he's going to get a clip round the ear hole!

Potty Mummy said...

No, nothing to add (the one about the sticks particularly rang bells - well, actually, all of them did!). Brilliant!

Calif Lorna said...

My boys are now 11 and 9 and you would think they'd be quite capable of walking around a supermarket now. Absolutely not - they drive me crazy.

And yes, sticks. We have a marvelous collection including one huge one which was a walking stick this summer.

PantsWithNames said...

Ah yes, the sticks. I have a rule they are not allowed into the house, but then I can't get the boys into the house either.

Particularly recognise the girls/everyone finding the house incredibly noisy and only intervening in wrestling when actual injury occurs. Also, the need to climb and jump off everything and to learn how to do tricks on anything with wheels. I also recognise that my Star Wars knowledge is nowhere near being up to scratch. But at least we don't have to deal with pink or dramas about what to wear. So hooray for boys!

ValleyDoll said...

Thanks for the warning - so far only the boob-grabbing (and stuffing things in my bra!) is a daily fact of life with my nearly 2yr old son, which gives me time to mug up on dinosaurs! I'm quite good about types of tractors, it's the living in the countryside!

Babies who brunch said...

Oh yes, the boobs! Don't they grow out of it?? What about an encylopedic knowledge of every character in the Thomas books? ( I just blogged about that actually.) Plus the ability to build a train track with your eyes shut at 6am.

conuly said...

Funny, that reads a lot like my list of "how to tell you have young girls in the house".

Tanya (Bump2Basics) said...

Does the breast grabbing start with boys at that early an age?!

Iota said...

Stones. Stones as well as sticks (but I do have a budding geologist here).

Did you mention the hilarity that any mention of bodily functions causes (particularly those of a gaseous nature)?

Home Office Mum said...

a brilliant, brilliant list. My additions are finding stones in the washing machine because you forget to check their shorts pockets before you put them in

finding spiders in the house is not a problem as your sons will happily scoop them up in their bare hands and probably ask for a jar to keep it in until it suffocates


you've learned not to bother asking them anything while they're watching tv. you will have better luck getting a response from the wall

Farting will always be the funniest thing EVER.

Your sons would rather stick pins in their eyes than give their brother a hug or kiss, but grabbing each other's willies and pulling hard is absolutely fine

Home Office Mum said...

a brilliant, brilliant list. My additions are finding stones in the washing machine because you forget to check their shorts pockets before you put them in

finding spiders in the house is not a problem as your sons will happily scoop them up in their bare hands and probably ask for a jar to keep it in until it suffocates


you've learned not to bother asking them anything while they're watching tv. you will have better luck getting a response from the wall

Farting will always be the funniest thing EVER.

Your sons would rather stick pins in their eyes than give their brother a hug or kiss, but grabbing each other's willies and pulling hard is absolutely fine

Metropolitan Mum said...

Grabbing breasts? Oh dear. When do they stop that? 16? :)

nappy valley girl said...

Keep 'em coming everybody.

Yes, yes, yes to all your suggestions - especially stones in pockets (mine seem to collect acorns too), Thomas the Tank Engine, Jumping off Things (LB2 almost broke a foot the other day),and grabbing each other's willies.

As for the boobs - I am not sure they EVER grow out of this one, even if they can control it more....

Mwa said...

I'm so glad to have a girly boy. My girl seems to fit that list better than my boy.

Kate said...

...when every toy they possess has been converted to a gun. No matter that you have never mentioned, discussed, or bought a plastic gun -- anything vaguely looking like a firearm will become one. If it can't be converted to one, it will become a practice target.

Maggie said...

I don't have boys, so can't add to your list, but I do have a girl that is obsessed with dinosaurs, robots, and crocodiles. I just wanted to pop in and recommend the movie Iron Giant, if you haven't seen it. (Robot from outer space, a wonderful movie - check it out when you can - your boys will love it).

nappy valley girl said...

Kate - that is so true about guns. Littleboy 1 does not even know the word for guns - he calls them Shooters - but he will pick up any piece of cardboard tubing and start aiming it like a pistol at his brother...

Maggie - Robots from outerspace? sounds wonderful. LB2 keeps asking me if all robots live in space. I tried to explain that most 'real' robots are used for boring things like making cars - but he wasn't having any of it.

Paradise Lost In Translation said...

Sounds exhausting! Glad I only have one of those & he's not especially typical. & my girl too is more like a lot of that than my son is! great list & for all the exhaustion, great fun aren't they?

Knackered Mother said...

What a delicious post! The boob grabbing, the willy pulling, the shooting, the fighting lion cubs...all so familiar. The first thing my two boys taught my baby girl to do is pick her nose and shoot a gun. AT THE SAME TIME, no less. Genius x

Lisa L said...

...and then the couch/chairs/coffee tables become practice targets for their future career in 'the hurdles'...but you see, you must have to have a good starting run to get a good jump which leads to amazing (loud) cheos in the living room. and lots of tears in the couch fabric...

Nicola said...

oh I love this post! In line with some of the comments my boys (ages 5 and 7) LOVE to fart in my face. They just think this is the most hilarious thing ever. And it's also like living with a couple of Tiggers. They don't so much walk as bounce. Constantly. And as for expecting them to sit on the sofa the normal way...well, God knows when that is going to happen. They slide over the back of the sofa, leap over the arm. The idea of plonking their bottoms onto the cushion (despite the constant prompts) never, ever occurs to them.

nappy valley girl said...

PLIT - yes, exhausting, but as you say, never a dull moment...

Knackered Mother - that's so funny and sweet, I bet they think they are equipping her with the most important life skills.

Lisa - Oh Lord, don't let my boys hear about that game.....!

Nicola - yes, mine are forever climbing on the furniture, never actually sitting on it. It drives us wild. They also pull down curtains and knock the chairs against the wall, chipping the paint. Maybe a trashed house is another sign of having sons? ;;)