Friday 2 December 2011

The Twelve Days of Christmas (US version)

Fellow bloggers Hot Cross Mum, Potty Mummy and Expat Mum have been posting brilliant versions of The Twelve Days of Christmas, and have inspired me to have a go. While I'm not sure I can match their hilarious efforts, I've been mulling a post anyway about how Christmas seems to start so early here - with people putting up their decorations straight after Thanksgiving - that it almost seems like it's over by mid December. I've also been sent into a mild panic recently by Facebook posts from friends about how they've finished their Christmas shopping, put up trees and made the gingerbread house - not to mention the constant bombardment of emails from Amazon ordering me to sort out my gifts now, now, NOW. So here it is - the US, social-media age version of the Christmas classic.

On the first day of Christmas my true love gave to me: a Facebook post about putting up a tree.

On the second day of Christmas my true love gave to me: two Amazon SALE!emails and a Facebook post about putting up a tree.

On the third day of Christmas my true love gave to me: three Christmas ads, two Amazon SALE!emails and a Facebook post about putting up a tree.

On the fourth day of Christmas my true love gave to me: four ‘Happy Holidays’ cards, three Christmas ads, two Amazon SALE! emails and a Facebook post about putting up a tree.

On the fifth day of Christmas my true love gave to me: five UPS boxes;....four ‘Happy Holidays’ cards, three Christmas ads, two Amazon SALE! emails and a Facebook post about putting up a tree.

On the sixth day of Christmas my true love gave to me: six trips to Target, five UPS boxes;....four ‘Happy Holidays’ cards, three Christmas ads, two Amazon SALE! emails and a Facebook post about putting up a tree.

On the seventh day of Christmas my true love gave to me: seven blow up Santas, six trips to Target, five UPS boxes;....four ‘Happy Holidays’ cards, three Christmas ads, two Amazon SALE! emails and a Facebook post about putting up a tree.

On the eighth day of Christmas my true love gave to me: eight Gingerbread Lattes, seven blow up Santas, six trips to Target, five UPS boxes;....four ‘Happy Holidays’ cards, three Christmas ads, two Amazon SALE! emails and a Facebook post about putting up a tree.

On the ninth day of Christmas my true love gave to me: nine mid-season finales*, eight Gingerbread Lattes, seven blow up Santas, six trips to Target, five UPS boxes;....four ‘Happy Holidays’ cards, three Christmas ads, two Amazon SALE! emails and a Facebook post about putting up a tree.

On the tenth day of Christmas my true love gave to me: ten screenings of Peanuts; nine mid-season finales, eight Gingerbread Lattes, seven blow up Santas, six trips to Target, five UPS boxes;....four ‘Happy Holidays’ cards, three Christmas ads, two Amazon SALE! emails and a Facebook post about putting up a tree.

On the eleventh day of Christmas my true love gave to me: eleven strings of fairy lights, ten screenings of Peanuts; nine mid-season finales, eight Gingerbread Lattes, seven blow up Santas, six trips to Target, five UPS boxes;....four ‘Happy Holidays’ cards, three Christmas ads, two Amazon SALE! emails and a Facebook post about putting up a tree.

On the twelfth day of Christmas my true love gave to me: twelve sold-out Christmas Aisles, eleven strings of fairy lights, ten screenings of Peanuts; nine mid-season finales, eight Gingerbread Lattes, seven blow up Santas, six trips to Target, five UPS boxes;....four ‘Happy Holidays’ cards, three Christmas ads, two Amazon SALE! emails and a Facebook post about putting up a tree. (Drum Roll....) AND IT WAS ONLY THE FIRST OF DECEMBER!

*mid season finale = for some reason, instead of having Christmas specials as in the UK, US shows go on ‘hiatus’ after Thanksgiving, to make way for multiple screenings of ‘Miracle on 34th Street’ and ‘A Charlie Brown Christmas’. The decent TV returns sometime in the middle of February. Hence the ‘mid season finale’ – preferably with cliffhanger that neither you, nor seemingly the scriptwriters, will remember in two months' time.


8 comments:

Expat mum said...

Even though it scans even less than Potty's does, it's great. (Sorry, but I'm a stickler for rhythm ;-)
Loved the Gingerbread Lattes - NOT. Yuck - have you tried one?

MsCaroline said...

Ahh..you captured it perfectly...commercialized Christmas in America! The thing that I absolutely miss the most, though......Target! I'm taking Son#1 back to the US for University in January, and that's the one place I cannot wait to go!

Potty Mummy said...

Take no notice of EPM, NVG - I love this, scanning or not! x (And thanks for the name check, not necessary but always appreciated)

'Cross the Pond said...

That made me laugh out loud. It would be impossible to miss a holiday in the US with all the promotions, ads, mid-season finales and other such rubbish. Made me homesick and glad to be missing it all at the same time! Ho ho ho!

Hot Cross Mum said...

Loved this - you're so right. I too have been drowning in Christmas-ness (if there is such a word) since early November. Sigh. Am a fan of the Gingerbread Lattes though so they can never start too early in the year for me! Ho Ho Ho indeed. x

Circles in the Sand said...

Love it! Am so not prepared - have bought nothing. Been too busy and it's so distinctly un-Christmassy here in the desert. Tho that said, the shops are full of it...found enough Christmas mojo at the weekend to put the tree up, under pressure from the boys, but that's it and the mums who keep posting pictures on Facebook of all the cookies they're baking/decorating -well, inadequate doesn't come close!!

About Last Weekend said...

Incredibly clever, this belongs in the New York Times. The holidays here are so driven by a million emails from all and sundry (mostly friends) about jewellery parties etc. And people in NZ can't believe that you must term it "Holiday', unpc to do anything else...

Elsie Button said...

ha ha loved this! things over here are getting a bit out of hand too, with some things starting in july!

my blogging has been really scant recently, but my mum keeps me up to date with your blog! am going for a good catch up now xx