Monday, 13 July 2009

A night out with the Moms

A couple of weeks ago, I found myself nervously waiting in the foyer of a sushi bar, to a soundtrack of blaring live rock music, trying to work out who was likely to be a 'mom'. I had been invited by my first new friend here, a lovely fellow European expat, to join the local 'moms' group' for their monthly night out. However, my friend had not yet appeared, and here I was eyeing up twenty and thirtysomething women sipping cocktails on a Friday night, wondering if they were part of the group.

There was no way I was about to saunter up to someone and ask whether they were part of the 'moms' night out'. If they were not - say they were a twenty five year old waiting for their boyfriend, or someone who desperately wanted kids but couldn't have them - they might well be offended. And even if they were, they might think: do I really look like I must be the mother of several children? Is my stomach THAT wobbly? It's difficult, I realised, to spot fellow mummies without the accessories of their children, buggies and kiddy paraphenalia; and even more difficult to approach them.

My nerves were also down to the anticipation that I might have nothing in common with these 'mommies' except the fact we all had kids - would we chat about anything other than potty training, preschools and the like? All of which is reasonably interesting in its place but not really something I could imagine bonding over. In other words, would I find any kindred spirits? I'd noticed that on the group email many people referred to themselves as 'suzy's mom' or suchlike - as if not possessing their own identity other than being somebody's mother. This rang slight alarm bells for me. Also, it occurred to me that a night out with NCT friends or similar at home was always a 'Girls' Night Out'; never a 'Mums Night Out'. It all sounded - well, so matronly.

Eventually I spotted my friend and we sat down at a large table of decidedly non-matronly looking females. It was difficult to chat at first; not only was the live band in the restaurant incredibly loud, everyone was excitedly saying hello to people they knew. So I just I smiled politely at people and answered their questions about our recent arrival.

Then the girl next to me - who was sipping her second Cosmo - suddenly got all excited and giggly. Why? She had just spotted a 'hot' guy coming out of the loos. I had to crane my neck to see, and at the same time try not to be so obvious. She explained that she found this guy attractive because he looked like Sylar from Heroes (who I seem to remember is the baddie, but also not bad looking). Anyway then we got onto chatting about various TV shows, and House, and how we both fancied Hugh Laurie. (Of course, I had to boast here that I had fancied him since 1989, before he was even heard of in America.).

I began to relax (and, at the end of the evening, we arranged to meet for a playdate with the kids). Because however fascinating children are (and one's own are generally more interesting than other people's), what I'm craving at the moment is some good old-fashioned girl talk. And, while it may not be the state of world politics, fancying Hugh Laurie is a pretty good opener for that.

10 comments:

Brit in Bosnia / Fraught Mummy said...

Get out your BlackAdder 3 DVD and show the Americans Hugh in tights and make up. It is my current party trick and I love peoples reactions Prince George when they only know him as Dr. House.

Thanks for your comment on mine. Our two seem to be twins, mine are also 4 and 2 and the craft thing is just way too, well, requiring concentration when there are more exciting things to do like throwing.

Here's hoping there's some kindred spirits who aren't defined as Suzy's Mom and who can make you giggle. Gosh, the girls are so important!

A Confused Take That Fan said...

Hugh Laurie? Hmmm, I'm more of a Billy who used to be in Neighbours kinda crush on House.
Glad you had fun. Girl talk about fit people on TV over a couple of Cosmo's is always a great tonic. x

Maternal Tales said...

Ooh I was a bit worried for you at the beginning - sitting in the bar on your own...been there! Glad it turned out well for you...girlfriends are so important. i hoep you find your kindred spirit among them x

Mrs OMG Pregnant said...

I'll be meeting some mums soon... it's scary. I'm dreading it in a good way if that's possible!!I am hoping my NCT lot are going to be lovely.... Im desperately seeking a kindred mummy spirit!!

Expat mum said...

Did you notice that they all get in their cars and drive home after probably one too many?

Hadriana's Treasures said...

It's always hard in the beginning. I remember when we came here (6 years ago now) I spent the first two years wishing I was living somewhere else...now I can't imagine living anywhere else.

It may take time as you sift through everybody but hang on in there and you'll find some real kindred spirits.

There's a Hadriana award for you over at mine.

nappy valley girl said...

Brit in Bosnia - exactly. Not so much of a sex symbol then, although I always liked him when he was with Stephen Fry in the early days....

CTTF - agreed, Billy is scrumptious, but he isn't in it much these days. Hugh/House is one of those more complex crushes based more on the fact that he's funny and talented....

Maternal Tales - yes, it could have gone so horribly wrong, particularly as there are about 10 sushi restaurants in this town....

Mrs OMG Pregnant - hello, and I hope you meet some kindred spirit NCT friends too. My lot were lovely, but that's not necessarily the case for everyone. And don't listen to anyone who says they're not going to have any pain relief in labour....

Expat Mum - yes, they were all driving and while not falling down drunk, they definitely didn't hold back. I was walking - as it was only a few blocks away - but this was definitely viewed as strange.

Hadriana - why, thank you, and your lovely new award will be adorning my page shortly....

Absolutely Write said...

Brilliant, female friends will make all the difference. When you're the new girl in the group, you have to be quite brazen and make it really obvious that you want to be friends! Having moved towns and schools a year and a half ago, it took me a while to make friends, but life is all the better for having made a bit of an effort (eventually ... after a long period of not bothering because I was so pi**ed off). Good luck!

Iota said...

Great that you had a night out. That in itself is an achievement. May it be the first of many happy times.

Home Office Mum said...

so pleased that you're making friends already. I love cosmopolitans. mmmm