Wednesday, 18 November 2009

Things I never imagined myself saying 10 years ago...

Do you ever get that sense of the absurd when you're talking to your children?

- No, you're not bringing that tree branch in the car with us.

- Or that stick.

- Don't squeak when I'm driving.

- No, you are not taking your schoolbus to nursery.

- Take that marble out of your ear now....

- Please stop that squeaking.

- I don't think it's polite to quack at your teachers

- Or call them 'hot dog'

- Or 'broccoli...'

- No, I am supposed to be getting ready to go out for the evening, not looking for pictures of llamas on the computer...

- If you don't stop that squeaking now....

- Your teacher said 'No potty words in circle?' What is a potty word?

- No, poopy is not a nice word.

- Or even proper English.

- I don't care if Sam said it.

- Yes, you are supposed to draw a picture of a Thanksgiving feast for homework. What do you think you would have?

- No, not hot dogs....

(with apologies to Millennium Housewife, who writes this sort of thing SO much better....)

15 comments:

Heather said...

oh not, not quaking at teachers? lol. Very funny post

Dumdad said...

I sometimes step back from this domestic absurdity and think to myself: "I have become my parents!"

The cycle of life.

And so it goes, as Kurt Vonnegut used to say.

(But inside I'm still the man that went to Led Zep concerts and considered that living).

Nicola said...

So funny! I have such similar conversations it is just eery. And I think my boys idea of a delicious Thanksgiving feast would definitely be a hot dog.

Potty Mummy said...

Am I wrong in think hot dogs have made a bit of an impression in your household...?

Mwa said...

I think it's amazing that we all seem to say the exact same thing. Perhaps someone should make a tape.

nappy valley girl said...

Heather - if only they were quaking!

Dumdad - yes, it's scary when you find yourself responding in exactly the same words your mother used to use...

Nicola - I'll be lucky if I can persaude them to eat turkey without ketchup.....

Potty Mummy - indeed they have. And I have turned into a real Amerian mommy, with hot dog rolls and beef franks an essential item of my weekly shopping list....

Mwa - I keep meaning to catch some of theirs on the videocamera, but somehow they are always mystersiously silent when it's switched on...

mothership said...

"Stop jumping on the bed. Wait until I get up. Stop jumping. Stop jumping. STOP JUMPING!STOOOOP JUUUUMMMPPPIIIINNNG"

Brit in Bosnia / Fraught Mummy said...

- please can you take your sword out of the kitchen (bet bloody Sir Lancelot's mummy never had to ask him 50 times to take his sodding sword out of the bloody kitchen)

- No, I'm not a climbing frame

- Turn it down

- Must open a window

- because I said so (I always swore I'd never say that, why do I now say that)

In fact, I am becoming my mother.

Brit in Bosnia / Fraught Mummy said...

And this little gem from all of 10 minutes earlier:

'I don't think putting your scooter on the table and seeing what happens if you scoot off the end is a very good idea'

(2 minutes with my eye off them, that is all it took to find that they'd hoicked the scooter up and were both trying to stand on it to see what would happen if the scooter went off the end -and put 80 more instant wrinkles on their mother)

nappy valley girl said...

Mothership; how about (from this morning): No, I am not playing tag. It's 7am and I am in bed...

Brit in Bosnia - classic. Mine are always trying to take scooters to inappropriate places - eg. up slides and climbing frames....they haven't been on the table yet but I'm sure that day will come.

Expat mum said...

Mine until recently was "Don't growl. Use your words."
The funniest one I remember was when the Queenager and her male cousin (6 days apart) were toddlers. My sister and I had them out in a pub garden (I was on my summer holidays OK?) and my sister suddenly put her wine glass down and shouted "Adam, don't bite the fence". After about a 5 second silence I think I snorted my drink back down my nose.

rosiescribble said...

The majority of my conversations with my 6-year-old are along those lines. It would be nice to have a 'normal' conversation once in a while!

A Modern Mother said...

Hilarious. American have a fascination with "potty talk" with is anything to do with, well, you know, THE TOILET. And have you learned that no one uses the word toilet there????? It took me a good 20 years of living here to finally say toilet without blushing.

Metropolitan Mum said...

I am sorry, ladies, but I am raising this little angel of a girl, that will get up in the morning, get dressed, brush her teeth and her hair, put on her little apron and make mummy a nice coffee, which then will be served in bed.
Life is good!

nappy valley girl said...

Expat Mum - like it. Don't bite the fence - sounds like something I would say...

Rosie - normal? I've forgotten what that is....

A Modern Mother - I know. I keep saying it, though. I can't bring myself to say potty unless it is an ACTUAL plastic potty.

MetropolitanMum - just you wait....x