But someone suggested it might be cathartic to do so, and so I'm going to try.
The fact is that I feel very ill. I've gone from being a completely healthy and happy person last summer to feeling as if I'm about 80, and completely miserable with it.
What started as knee pain, and was then (mis?)diagnosed as sciatica, has turned into severe leg pain and all sorts of other unusual symptoms happening to my body. Not surprisingly, I got very depressed and anxious about it, and that didn't help, as I then had a bout of severe insomnia. I'm now taking sleeping pills, which have eventually worked. The other thing I was prescribed was depression medication. This not only didn't work, but caused all sorts of really distressing side effects; shaking hands, muscle twitches, almost a zombie-like state of mind where I didn't really care about anything but still felt miserable. So, I decided to come off them - slowly, as advised. But the withdrawal symptoms have been horrible; burning, tingling feelings in my hands and feet, feelings of numbness, muscles contracting horribly in every part of my body, dry mouth that means you can't enjoy food or drink as much as usual, cloudy vision that means I find it hard to read or actually do my job.
And now I'm starting to wonder if they really are withdrawal symptoms, or whether it's all part of some underlying condition. I've had blood tests, which were all negative, although I've just been back for more. I've been seen by a neurologist, an orthopaedist, a psychologist and next it's a rheumatologist. I've had three MRIs and am going for another two next week. I spend my life in doctor's waiting rooms, or doing physical therapy, which so far hasn't produced any results. I've tried all sorts of alternative approaches: acupuncture, yoga, chiropractor. All of them just seem to result in more pain. Mentally, I've tried to cheer myself up; with doing stuff with the boys, going out more with my husband, seeing more of friends - all nice things, but again don't help with the physical pain and feeling like crap. I can't do any of the nice outdoorsy things I used to do - running, skiing, hiking. Just doing the dishes and laundry is painful.
What I actually would like at this point in time is a diagnosis. It may not be nice, but at least then I could start dealing with it. I hate the uncertainty, the not knowing how long this will last, the constant sense of horror at what's happening to my life.
What I would like is Dr House to come along, put all my symptoms on a whiteboard, and work it out. (I wouldn't mind if he looked like Hugh Laurie either). What I don't need is another doctor to say: "But the tests are all negative, what are you worried about?" Because at this point, that doesn't help.
And most of all, I want this person back.