Things I will know for next year's school show

1. When you get a slip of paper telling you that your elder son's class will be putting on a little show next week at preschool, think about it a bit harder. OK, it may not be the nativity play, you may not have to make a costume, but come on, everyone loves to watch their children perform.....

2. Don't go to book club the evening before and drink a strong cocktail and a large glass of wine, while nibbling on a few appetisers. You will not sleep well, feel bleary-eyed and not a bit like leaping up in the morning and fitting in that supermarket shop before the show, as you had planned. You will also be crabby with your children, who have chosen this very morning to throw the contents of their toy chest down the stairs......

3. Don't talk about the show in front of your younger son just as you arrive at the preschool. He will throw the most enormous tantrum because he wants to watch his brother. Once you have established with his teacher that this is OK, accept that he will not want to wait another whole hour for the show to begin and will have to be parked downstairs in his brother's classroom until it happens.

4. Don't show up 5 minutes before the show starts, thinking that this is quite early enough. For a start, there will be nowhere to park as a fleet of gleaming SUVs appears to have taken over the entire area. Once you reach the classroom, the other parents will be sitting in the front row seats expectantly, while you and Littleboy 2 will be relegated to perching on a rickety table at the back.

5. Bring your camera. Everyone else has. Some have huge profressional-looking models with tripods set up, some have video cameras. Somehow the crappy camera on your phone doesn't quite cut it....

5. Consider asking your husband to come along. There are, after all, loads of Dads there, all of whom are smartly dressed and appear to have taken the morning off work to make a special trip to the 10 minute performance.....

6. Bring cupcakes or muffins for the snack table afterwards. You were not actually asked to do this, but everyone else just seemed to know.

7. Bring a packet of tissues. Because your eyes will well up with pride at the sight of your darling child standing with his classmates singing a song about helping out in the neighbourhood - in a distinctly American accent.........