Things I have learned in the past week.....

1. Never, ever open a window which contains an airconditioning unit. Not unless you want to be standing there hanging for dear life to the power cord, shouting at your husband to 'come quickly', while the huge metal box lies precariously on the porch roof below your bedroom window. Or spend the next ten minutes watching your husband wrestling with the damn thing and muttering 'what were you doing?'. Until he confesses that he nearly did the same thing himself last year and never told you......

2. A toy car, flushed down the loo, will not necessarily block it. Despite the fact that the loo seems to be blocked by anything and everything else. Therefore, there was no need to go insane at your husband for flushing it rather than putting his hand in the wee and picking it up (he thought it wouldn't go down....). And, remember, you don't really have a leg to stand on after the aircon/window incident....

3. Taking time off from your husband and kids at the weekend is a great idea in theory. But taking time off to stand on a stall at the town festival and give out rubber duckies to other people's kids is exhausting. Especially in 34 degree heat....

4. When said fair is called off by a tornado warning, don't get all excited. The forecasters can get these things wrong, you know. You will still be sitting outside to eat on a lovely, albeit much windier, evening as the weather cools off dramatically. Although the boys will then complain that they are cold.....

5. The trampoline bought for Littleboy1's birthday is a huge success. Not only is it excellent entertainment and exercise for your kids, it also attracts hoards of other kids to the garden and the Littleboys have soared in the local popularity stakes. This is a bit of a problem when your neighbours have a party and hundreds of kids appear and want to jump on it. However, you can also be proud that you are doing your bit to reduce America's obesity problem, as the neighbouring teenagers are spending time hurling themselves around a bouncy mat rather than playing video games indoors....

6. When preschool has an ABC picnic, encourage your child in advance NOT to be the one who picks the letter 'x'. Finding a food beginning with X is not easy. In the end you go for Xtra chewing gum, which does not fulfil the 'try not to bring junk food' advice, but never mind.

7. Your elder son now officially has a better social life than you. Three birthday parties in the past week.....

8. And even the three-year-old has a party invitation. For 9.15 am on a Sunday morning. Clearly lie-ins are not a priority for these parents.....

9. The new Doctor Who is quite good. But I miss David Tennant.....and there is nothing else of much note on BBC America. Unless you like Top Gear...

10. Sod's law means that you will always get offered freelance work just as your children are about to break up for the summer. Gah.......